i look at my wallpaper and i have this gratefulness and happiness inside me that i cant explain.. 17 people turned up today, more than i expected.. 7 years, we've known each other for so long.. even though i still dont really talk to some people, but the effort all of them made to turn up touches my heart.. i'm awfully glad to be in 2B, for i've gotten to know some of my best friends there, and to have made friendships that stood well against the test of time.. a nice ending to the CNY holidays.. =)

she shed tears on the day i was born, not tears of joy, but cause i wasnt a boy. any wonder she dotes on my brother more? hah. at times i feel like breaking away. ...

the much-anticipated chinese new year is here, and i realise i want to take a holiday. away from the tutorials that i cant do, and the tight deadlines, and the lab report and rubbish that i dont wanna touch. grumpy. need a hug. more time too.

a wonderful shopping trip yesterday, though i ached all over, and bought only one bag.. haha but i'm happy, was even reluctant to go home last night.. reach home at 2am, and my mum was still up! mopping somemore, i think she's mad.. haha

looking forward to seeing the 2b gang at my house on tues!! excited!! yay~~! too bad yinjie cant come.. haiz.. but nevermind, next year we shall just try to accomodate everyone, baoying too! and the guys should be ord le.. haha

my hands stink of onion and garlic, going ahma house later for steamboat!!

happy new year!! buy me bak kwa anyone? haha

i dont pick quarrels with anyone. i just keep my silence. i guess i just think that if the person will understand, they just will. no point arguing. haha is this a good mentality?

... tired..

shopped today!! but i didnt buy as much as i wanted.. haha but then at least the company was fun!

there is nothing that belongs solely to me already.. even my thoughts are here. haha

i'm not happy with my life. how could i be? when everyday i wake up tired, go to bed exhausted, and i complete nothing in between?

roar~~!!

i wont go back, only forward, i believe there's no point in going back for what i've already given up.. it only torments everyone involved.

yesterday, somebody said to me that she believes every relationship can work out, it's just whether enough effort was put in.. i shall subscribe to this creed.. =)

had a nice dinner, and a mild surprise.. i didnt noe..

my views on love are skeptical to the point that it borders on cynicism. haha why am i like that? i dont know.. really dont..

a test tomorrow! omg~! i think i'm too unprepared for it! already in the CNY mood!! steamboat steamboat! i want new clothes! haha =p

time is neither created nor destroyed.. you have to make out time to meet your deadlines and your loved ones.. but even with effort, sometimes things fail to happen the way we want it to..

failed my driving. again. damn.! haha determined to break its curse on me! but i tired of it le.. let's see how when the time comes..

suddenly recalled my mum standing up for my rights once, when i went on a checkup at SGH..suddenly recalled the days back at ahs, sitting on the parapet of the old block taking photos.. the solid photos sitting in my album, make me want to go back to those happier and more innocent times.. will i look back at my university days with fond memories?

为得今日的掌声 费尽不少的心血
没有辛苦的耕耘 何来欣慰的收获
谁不曾在学习路上尝到失败与挫折
有谁不想成为明日耀眼的星星
忘了失败（过去） 继续前行
世上没有做不到的事
戏剧工作虽然艰辛 我却坚持走下去
不怕困难 没有畏惧
自己的路自己掌握
只要勿忘我曾是中文戏剧一份子
（只要铭记在我心 我爱戏剧一辈子）

the other tps-ahs-tpjc girl said we're both talking in riddles.. yes we are.. haha we are choosing not to verbalise our thoughts, but instead let our words reverberate in your head.. arent we evil? haha but we arent! the same words are repeating in our heads, more than they are in yours..

couldnt meet my dear today, cos i had to rush home for tuts.. omg, so no life. even a kopi in ntu i also no time.. next time then we romantic k? haha take care ya?? l!!! i love u!

jus wanna live in the moment. enjoy life- steamboat on 31st!! =)

realised something suddenly yesterday.. and i'll just have to see if it's true.. my thoughts race around inside my head, but the words on my tongue cannot be spoken. dont ask.

i love NEL! haha and the linking punggol LRT! it gives me the delusion that i save some time travelling, but still, i must learn to study on train trips!! grab every precious minute!!

i hate tests. for i fear to fail. !@#$%^&*!!

isnt it sad that two people who have shared such an intimate past together, if they're not meant to be, will eventually lead different lives with other people?

a thought that just popped into my head..

i dun get the fuss about my driving. pass or fail, that's it. such an irritation. most probably i'm gonna fail it again, cause even i think i suck at it. haha whatever la..

my bro reached home at 630am this morning!! can you imagine if i did the same thing? double standards!!! not fair!!!

had a scrumptious buffet the other day!!! the sweet sweet prawns!! haha but feeling fat now, i should eat less at mealtimes, hardly possible though.. hahaha..

a sunday is all i have left of my weekend, and already half a day's gone~!~!

p.s dean koontz is quite a good author =)

suddenly think i dunno myself, so dun tell me you know me. cos i hate it when people say that, the only people who can say that are my family. if other people say they know me, i will find them irksome.

short day tmr!! happy~!! =D but alas, i got makeup lect on sat at 930 freaking am!! plus driving! roar!!

sch just started, and e weather's constantly freezing.. hardly a harbinger for a great year huh? what's more, i hear of friends whose grandmas have taken ill, and it just makes me sad and worried.. hope the grannies get well soon! and girls, please cheer up and be hopeful! everything's gonna be fine!!! =)

constantly printing notes. lost already in the realm of kinetics and maths. rescue me somebody? i dont have the energy to put in the required effort, and i know it'll be too late in the end. i panick, but i'm not moving!!! roar!!

will i pass? pls lemme!! i wan nth more for new yr!

hoho one day of lectures has got me pining for holidays again. how on earth can i endure a semester of lessons?!

getting textbooks are a chore!! but i must study!! wahaha.. cant let myself down!!

on days when i tot nobody reads my blog, and i'm feeling down, thank u to al of u hu cares. i love u! =) i'm fine le.. dun worry ya?

tutorials are starting! n i've not done a single thing. dilemma nw though, should i do tutorial? or shld i calculate temp pay? after all, my salary is involved too! haha

a long and melancholy entry, i warn you.

dunno if it's e rain, e start of sch, e bk i'm reading, or just me. but i'm feeling down. down, as in down i wanna cry kinda down. e dae was actually great, till e very end, when i got emotional during 'elizabethtown'..

it wasnt tt e movie was emotional, just tt it got me sad thinking wad will i do when my dad is gone, no longer around.. wondering hw i would cope wif a part of me missing. wondering if ever i could love a guy so long so much that for him, i become stronger, even though i'll forever miss him..e kind of love i saw happen to other ppl, but alwaes wondering if it'll happen to me.. e kind of love tt is unconditional, when u look at tt love of ur life, ur heart aches, cos she/he is just too beautiful to look at..will i be so beautiful to someone? thru my tears, thru my silliness, will i always remind tt someone of all e reasons he loves me?

i used to hate taking a bath, cos i always felt comfortably warm n dirty. now i relish a 30 mins break from e world, with nobody except me. to think sad or happy tots, daydream a little perhaps. i looked into e mirror today, n i realised y i'm reluctant to convert to contacts. behind specs, i look fiercer, cos i'm more guarded when looking out at e world. without specs, i feel as if all my hopes n fears n emotions can be easily read by the man on the street. and i dun wan tt. i wan me to be strong. to rely on myself, to be independent.

evan says i too skeptical of love, ya. i think so too. maybe scared of it even. to give out my heart and soul, for an ending that perhaps will leave me burned and scarred. in the middle of the road, i see couples hugging, and i wonder sadly, how long before time wears out that passion, before quarrels wear away the love.. or will e guy n ger each meet some one else who sets their hearts fluttering, and break their promises to be together forever?

i dun expect forever anymore i guess. i myself am nt capable of it, hw can i expect it of others? n when i think of u hu loves me so, hu said nv to leave me, i wonder 'am i tt gd? do i deserve u?' i wanna stay together n make it work. but i oso wanna run away, for fear of hurting u.. all i wan is for us to treasure e present. e moment when we love each other. just not ready to give what u ask for-forever. maybe one day when u ask, i'll say yes. but to e 19 yr old me nw, its too far away...

working tmr. for my workaholic mum's gg to try to make me another her. disappted wif her. wif myself too, for being so weak to resist. n i dun get enough slp. n i'm hungry n cold. din wanna come hm, wanted to walk in e rain, be abit rebellious n come hm late. but i din. oh y din i?

well, nth slp cant cure. maybe a few tears into the pillow too.

a new day tmr =)

slack week, but tiring.. tiring cause of extra-curricular activities.. haha aka meeting friends and eating.. i'm getting fat! no time slim down!! and new year's coming!! how to slim down with bak kwa and love letters and all those goodies?

school's not going to be easy, i must study! you must too!!

love ya'll, c when can meet for lunch or dinner or sth la.. =p

had a busy last day of 2005.. but it was nice meeting old friends. just that maybe i didnt get enough sleep, haha and we were all abit bored. but it's ok la.. there are only so many times i can spend the whole night not sleeping.. haha too bad the pics didnt turn out clear enough. but i didnt know we could be so lame. oh so lame. =p

hAPPY new YR! =p